#11 - A Radical Statement

There’s a gentle snowfall outside right now as I’m typing this. The world feels so serene, so quiet, so calm. Nothing can shake this up...

I see more beauty in a one-night stand than in a long-term relationship full of trouble.

***

You still with me? Okay. 😊

Breathe for a few moments... we’ll get through this.

***

Now, please allow me to explain my point here:

Why do relationships fail or sour over time? Because we have too many expectations. We expect our partner to be our lover, friend, and confidant all at once. We expect them to be true and faithful to us, all the time. We expect them to act or behave in certain ways in order for us to be happy. We expect them to fill whatever gaps we perceive in ourselves. We expect them to make us happy.

Now, I’m not saying we should all go out and sleep with random strangers! Just take a moment to ponder the essence of such an experience:

1) There are no expectations. You’re not looking for a lifelong commitment, and there are no strings attached - you’re just living in the moment.

2) As long as there is mutual consent and a basic sense of trust, you’re free (and safe) to explore new things you would’ve never thought to explore otherwise.

3) As a nice little bonus, you can even come to realize that sex is beautiful. And it is. There is nothing disgusting, shameful, or ugly about the very act that produces life. You don’t even have to have sex just for the sake of making babies - you’re allowed to have fun as well.

Now, where does that leave the long-term relationships? Can’t you have fun there too?

Of course you can! Here’s how:

1) Stop having too many expectations. Or better yet, don’t expect anything from your partner in general. (This of course applies to all relationships, including platonic ones.) People change over time - as is only natural - so you can never guarantee that the promises you make now will be upheld in the future. Such promises may then become binding contracts as love becomes an obligation. If I could make one “vow” to replace all others, it would be this: I vow to give you the freedom to grow into who you wish to be. The greatest gift I give to you is the gift of yourself. My only expectation would be to experience the same freedom of expression, because in such a natural and healthy relationship it becomes easier to hold everything sacred (including and especially each other).

2) Stop holding onto your partner like a trophy. It’s like trying to hold onto sand in the palm of your hand, it will slip through your fingers if you grip too tightly. Let go, trust that your partner is there and allow them the freedom to come back to you every time. Let yourselves go along with the ebb and flow.

3) Don’t be afraid to explore new things with your partner - both inside and outside the bedroom! Pretty self-explanatory: step outside your “comfort zone” every now and then in moments of intimacy, find new hobbies/projects to enjoy together (yes, there’s plenty you can do even during the pandemic), plan out a romantic dinner at home, etc.

Above all, stop looking for happiness in other people. Look within to find your happiness. Meditate, focus on a hobby you enjoy, socialize with friends - do whatever it is you love, just remember that your happiness can always be found within. You’ve got this. ❤️