#36 - The Last Red Thread

Life is complicated. Emotions are complicated. People and situations are complicated. Oh, but how I wish it were all simple!

I already feel so guilty. I love my future husband to the point where I’m afraid of losing him. And yet, I’ve still got this one lingering regret… I have to let go of one more person before I can move on.

It’s suffocating me. I have to let it out. I have to say something. Even if he never reads it.

***

Dear Mr. Hobbit,

I’m sorry.

I’ve had a crush on you since the very first time I met you. It’s not the first time I’ve fallen for someone with a military background, but that’s not the only thing that caught my attention. You’re handsome, in a cute sort of way. You’re the most vigilant and reliable person on your team (as others around me will agree). You’re kind and understanding, while being confident and unafraid to speak your mind. And you’ve got a damn good sense of humor! Even though it took me ages to open up to you, I’m thankful to have known you as my coworker and friend.

I’m aware these lingering feelings of mine are most likely one-sided; but even if it wasn’t unrequited, I have no right to approach you in that way. As you know, I now have someone else in my life. His heart is in my hands. And I will never break it.

I wish this didn’t ache. I wish I could find closure and cut this last red thread tugging at my heart. I wish I could let you go the way a tree lets go of a scarlet leaf in the autumn breeze.

… I must do it. So, here goes:

I release you from my heart. Thank you for your kindness. I wish you a long and happy life, wherever you go. If fate ever decides to bring me back to you in another lifetime, then so be it. Otherwise, I will love you and remember you from a distance, without wanting you for myself. Please forgive me.

Sincerely,
Affectionate Seraphim

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