#10 - Goodbye, Hello!

It’s now 2021, and I already feel relieved.

Not that anything in particular has changed - after all, we’ve still got the devastating pandemic situation and the presidency transition drama, among other matters. But just for today, it felt good to say goodbye to a horrible year.

For my part, I have no resolutions this time. I’ve simply been thankful to be alive and well, along with my family. I’ve been counting my blessings a lot these days, in fact. Even regarding the things I hope for - as my sister jokingly said, “Lose the weight and find a mate!” - I’m not too concerned. First off, I’ve made a great deal of progress so far on my weight loss routine, and I know it’s one I’ll stick to even after I reach my target weight. Second, I don’t really feel the need anymore to find someone just to fill a void in my life... like, sure it would be nice and all, but it won’t give me the happiness I’m currently searching for, which I know can only be found within. Thus, I’m more interested in reconnecting with myself and planning out my dreams for the future.

Anyway...

I may not have defined any clear resolutions, but I do have some decluttering for this year (and not just in my messy room!). I may have said goodbye to 2020, yet I still have some mental and emotional baggage to let go of as well. Hopefully I can get through this within the next 1-2 months, so that I can give a proper hello to 2021.

Affirmation for the new year: I am strong, I am happy, and I am worthy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

#31 - Lovable

Last night I found my simplest truth again, in a dream. I was going out with an arranged marriage suitor, and things seemed to be going okay. Until a projector screen came up in front of us, on which was a list of all my real-life flaws - in PowerPoint form! The guy was scrolling through the slides, and which each flaw that came up he got angrier and angrier. Eventually, he stormed out while I just stood there, frozen with fear. He complained about me to my parents, said he wouldn’t marry such a horrible person, and then left. From the time I woke up to the time I reached my office, I kept thinking about that dream. It was so hard for me to face, because I know my own flaws deep down… And because of those flaws, I think I’m unworthy of being loved for who I am. I’m afraid of others seeing what I think is the “real” me - crazy, immature, overly talkative, childish, whiny, selfish, irresponsible, lazy, cunning - and rejecting me for all of that. The thing is… yes, I do have those flaws a
Read more

#1 - Intro

"What is a Kashmirican?" Glad you asked. 🙂 It's a word I made up to describe my ethnic and cultural background in a tiny nutshell. I was born and raised in the U.S., but both of my parents come from Kashmir - the northern part of India. We're known as Kashmiris, or (more specifically) Kashmiri Pandits. Hence, I'm a Kashmiri-American, or Kashmirican . There's not too many of us around wherever you go, we're all kinda spread out across the world. So chances are, you know who I am. Or you may not. It's all right either way. 😇 "Why don't you just call yourself an Asian American, or an Indian American?" Hmm... because I like my made-up term better. I mean, technically I'm labeled an Asian American, but then people tell me I'm not Asian because I don't look Chinese or Japanese or like any other "stereotypical Asian" that comes to mind with most Americans. And I am an Indian-origin American, but I feel like that
Read more

#36 - The Last Red Thread

Life is complicated. Emotions are complicated. People and situations are complicated. Oh, but how I wish it were all simple! I already feel so guilty . I love my future husband to the point where I’m afraid of losing him. And yet, I’ve still got this one lingering regret… I have to let go of one more person before I can move on. It’s suffocating me. I have to let it out. I have to say something. Even if he never reads it. *** Dear Mr. Hobbit, I’m sorry. I’ve had a crush on you since the very first time I met you. It’s not the first time I’ve fallen for someone with a military background, but that’s not the only thing that caught my attention. You’re handsome, in a cute sort of way. You’re the most vigilant and reliable person on your team (as others around me will agree). You’re kind and understanding, while being confident and unafraid to speak your mind. And you’ve got a damn good sense of humor! Even though it took me ages to open up to you, I’m thankful to have known you as my cow
Read more