#6 - An Internal Monologue on Relationships

I used to enjoy romance movies.

I mean, I still do... but not nearly as much as I did before. It’s become nothing more than fiction to me.

A lovestruck hero/heroine chases after their love interest (or vice-versa); misunderstandings form that could be easily cleared with a simple direct conversation, but otherwise it’s all smooth-sailing; and there’s almost always a happy “ending”.

But real life doesn’t work that way. Relationships take work. People can fall out of love almost as quickly as they fall in it. Small arguments can either get resolved quickly or escalate into a mountain of trouble. And if you’re entering a relationship expecting all your needs to be met? Well then, brace yourself for a lifetime of disappointment!

And it’s not like any of this hasn’t been said before (or at least thought of). We all know: when I becomes we and me becomes us, everything changes. All of a sudden, you can’t just think of yourself anymore. This is a tango for two, and it doesn’t matter who trips up first - it falls apart if you can’t support each other.

I know this now, and yet time and time again I make mistakes. If it’s not insecurity and low self-esteem issues that cause my relationships to fall apart, it’s trust issues with telling my family in the first place whenever I like or love someone. It’s like I’m just expecting a “no” from my parents every time. And perhaps deep down, I know they’d be right...

Heck, I can’t even put myself together! My thoughts are about as organized as tangled yarn, I’m not nearly as disciplined and self-sufficient as I should be by now, and I’m still socially awkward to the point where at least 90% of all conversations take a cringeworthy turn whenever I speak up! At work I can at least keep up a solid professional persona (been working at a new job I love for the past few months by the way, in case I haven’t mentioned it before). But my personal life feels so messy...

How can a fool like me carry on a relationship when things start to slide downhill?

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