#2 - Friday Blues

Typing this out on a day when I'm wearing a new blue shirt, hehe... 😛
Not why I decided to title this post "Friday Blues" of course, it just felt like a good coincidence to mention. Anyway...

I've been kind of in a slump lately. My search for a new client project hasn't been going so well, plus I've just been feeling more depressed and lethargic than usual. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this irl though. The few times I've ever brought it up with my family, the only major response I'd get would go along the lines of me needing to just stop being lazy/disorganized and push myself towards my goals. But I just... I've grown too depressed to even care about improving myself anymore, and that's what scares me.

What's the point of chasing after a dream job that would pay a ton more money when no one wants me with whatever skills I have now? What's the point of losing weight in order to be more attractive to others (which btw is a shallow reason in my opinion, it'll attract the wrong guys anyway and I'd rather do it for the sake of my health)? What's the point of anything? No matter how much I try, I'll always be negatively compared to other people who are doing far better than I am, and it's just unfair. So I might as well not care anymore... right?

I'm tired of feeling like this too, though. But I feel frustrated being nagged at every day. Being pushed to do something just makes me want to avoid doing it all the more.

In the end, it seems there was no point to making this post as well... I just wanted to vent here for a bit, I guess.

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